Sunday, September 24, 2006
Bush Licks Bottom of Clinton's Shoe
President Bush invited former President Bill Clinton to lunch at the White House yesterday.
During a stroll in the rose garden, where they chatted about the global warming crisis, a black cloud materialized overhead and God struck George Bush with a small thunderbolt and spoke to him in a clear, resonant voice. All nearby attendants and secret service agents were witness to the remarkable event.
God instructed Bush to lick the bottom of Clinton's shoe as an act of contrition for installing the minions of Satan as advisors (Cheney, Rove, Rumsfeld), and loosing the dogs of Hell (Savage, Hannity, Coulter, Malkin) upon the American public.
As further punishment, for waging a war of agression on the basis of fabricated intelligence, the Lord fashioned a belt of thorns from the roses for Bush to wear fastened around his thigh for the remainder of his term in office.
Then, a small knotted whip dropped from the cloud, which was accompanied by a letter written on parchment and addressed to Laura Bush. In summary, she was instructed to give George 40 lashes each evening before bedtime, while he recited the names of the 3,000 U.S. military troops sacrificed in this illicit war.
Furthermore, the letter continued, Bush was to light a candle each morning for the rest of his life, in remembrance of the 30,000 plus nameless Iraqi civilians needlessly slaughtered.
The Lord asked Bush why he had invited the moneychangers into the temple of government, instead of making needed reforms. He assured him that the Pearly Gates would be closed to him, if he did not chart a different course and publicly confess his subterfuge.
A cold wind arose suddenly and rose petals swirled around the garden. As the wind subsided, the cloud was gone leaving Bush with a stunned look on his face and a rose petal stuck to his nose.
During a press conference later, that afternoon, Tony Snow announced that the White House dog would be sent to the ranch in Crawford, and that the First Lady would be choosing several cats from local shelters to be installed as First Pets.
The alarm went off, and I woke up with a startled blink of the eyes. It was just a dream. But a small, still voice was whispering--vote blue, vote blue, vote blue.